I slowly strolled my way to the coffee shop this morning and noticed something interesting. I will sound ignorant for the next minute, but I've never noticed so many foreign kids going to local Chinese elementary schools. I live right next to one, and as I walked pass the school, I couldn't keep up with the number of foreign kids that walked in. Then I thought to myself, "Their Chinese is probably better than mine..." I find it so hard to communicate with my relatives now because I cannot find the right words to express myself.
MUST START STUDYING CHINESE ASAP.
I found myself holding the coffee mug not by the handle but with the palm of my hand. I couldn't put the mug down immediately because I had too many things on the table. I had to slowly push away my computer and set the mug down. This form of "self-control" really hurt my hand :[ I thought about the idea of self control and self destruction. Whatever form of self control it is, there is always sacrifices involved- sacrifice of an object, person, idea, feeling...etc. People always talk about self-control in a positive way, and yes it is. People tend to gain a better idea of self control as they mature, but what if we think of the idea of self-control in reverse? Could self-control be a form of self-destruction?
This idea made me think of "Black Swan".
It totally can be, too much control is just unhealthy. That's why so many people are self-hating and feel guilty all the time :/ There are too many things we believe we have to micromanage, so many experiences we deny ourselves cause we feel we need to be more disciplined.
ReplyDelete